Movie Night

Last weekend was this movienight where I tried to smoke weed and ate the crumbles of a weed cookie but did not get stoned...whatever...I am young and some day I will experience  being stoned xD
I guess you all would agree that being together on a big bed watching movies,talking and simply having fun would be a really great opportunity for someone who like-likes you to uhm... do something?! So be extra nice or flirty , to maybe sit really close next to you or get his arm around you?
Someone used that opportunity. Too bad it was not N. -.-*
The boy at whomÄs we were was really sweet, he had made for us VEGAN waffles and 2 CDs mixed with reggea music+ a bottle of something alcoholic ..southern comfort or sth like that... as a after-birthday present since I turned 18 the day before.
He is cool,he is nice and a good one to talk to. But he is not N.
Isn't it funny how you can know a boy and get along with him really well,he looks not too bad and everything seems ot be fine but there is just one tiny piece missing and that piece is crucial. That missing pieces is why you are not interested in him in the special way...

He is D. . D. has no problems to flirt with me, to put his arm around my neck, almost a bit too persistently because...dammit N. is next to me and HE should be the one trying to get close to me! >:<

I even talked about him with my therapist today! This felt sooo weird xD
But anyway, he encouraged me that I am heading the right way. It is okay if I decide to stop being the active part,trying to create something between N. and me. It is okay if I decide to sit and wait. If he continues to like me that passively and the small fragile tiny something that could grow into a beautiful flower full of feelings for each other withers...it is not my fault!
That is what I told my therapist and he said I am right. Gosh, I am soooo" mature with my expectation and ways to deal with things like love,friendships and life".   And still I am screwed inside.Depressed.Emotionally unstable.Seriously hurt and fucked up due to my so called mother.
But at least I am mature,huh?


Am off to work until 10 PM.... tomorrow gotta work as well from 10AM until 4PM eww...from THursday morning until SUnday evening I will be off with my godmother and her partner to Hamburg! It is a present, including a visit to the musical Tarzan :)
But I am a bit worried about the food. About having too eat "too much" because they are "normal". It might be a bit suspicious if I only wanna eat two slices of crispbread with cucumber or sth. like that on it,hm?

Sigh, I will try my best to eat a low cal as possible but at the same time as unsuspicious as possible and have a good time --- watch me try :)
The only bad thing about this trip is that it is the last 4days of summer holidays..4 days within I could have done something with N. and the other friends from Spain... well he probably would not have had the guts to do sth anyway.right?

Off to work ♥