Rejected

Well, the riddle has been solved.

The GossipGirlish weekend is over and things are clear.

Painfully clear...

After I had stayed the night at his with another buddy ofhim things had to get straight.

Because after almost zero sleep,because we spent the night cuddling each other very.much.

He even tried to kiss me twice but I did not really respond to it cause I could not-because of her. The feeling that what is happening feels beautiful but is wrong prevented me from losing myself completely in feelings about him.

But after this weekend it was cristal clear that he needed to think about about us and his relationship a lot and that what I told him and he understood.

Well..

this morning in school we talked to each other.

I am a reasonable sensible person.

That is why a part of me already expected what would happen.

That I would lose.

Because what is 7months of a relationship in comparison to knowing each other 11 days?

Even though we were like magnets, eleven days is not even two weeks.

He might have praised me to the skies about everything I am, complimented me so tenderly and could not leave his hands off me but after all...

it is not enough.

I am not enough

REJECTED
it is echoing in my head.

And then again, I can not believe that I feel so heartbroken.

After merely 11 days.

I almost lost my composure when we talked but in the end I manged to appear all nonchalant and understanding and stuff...

But the last tow art lessons in school sometihng built up inside me. I almost cried.

Then I went to my therapist and cried on the way there.

And when I was  having my session tears escaped my eyes had been trying to seal off.

Dammit.

I told him everything about it.

It made not really make me feel better but at least I could talk to someone openly about it.

Today has been the most miserable day of my life for a looong time.

As you can imagine, a really good trigger for MIA.

But not the sweetest crap could help in any way and then there was dinner time.

Afterwards I was contemplating whether to jsut walk utterly sad through the falling snow through dark streets listening to my Ipod or to hot the gym.

I chose gym.

At least I strengthened my muscles though unfortunately it did not really help to turn my head of and ease this aching pain in my chest.

Fuck.

Lovesickness sucks.

11 days for god's sake, how could I get someone so close to me?

And he is begging for us to stay really close friends. he is saying that he still wants to spend a lot of time with me.

He asked me if I want to spent Sylvester with him and his friends (and oh..uhm..yes actually she is there ,too-you are right)

He confessed that he was probably overwhelmed by me and a little bit in love but

In the End I Am Not Enough

PS.: Elara, your comment---thank you it helped a lot! And Peri, you know I love you