I lvled up in the "Mia-game"

Sorry ladies, I have not vanished into thin air, it is jsut that our computer's screen is kinda...damaged..almost completely broken and I could therefore not use the pc...
But somehow,today my brother fixed it so that I am here.For the moment. No one knows how long it is gonna work.
...so..what's new?

Mia is pretty bad. I am spending money like a shopaholic except that it is for Mia food.

And some time around this week I leveled up:

I have read quite often in forums of people suffering from Bulimia that there are a few of us who are actually able to purge without even trying very hard. they can literally will the food up again.

Just like that.

No ugly *shoving down your fingers*, no nasty gagging blah.

I admit it, I have been kinda jealous of those people,thinking of the red mark on my left hand I got thx to Mia....

I always wondered HOW it works,how theyy do it, if one can actually *learn* it...yeah I know this sounds sick but this isn't fun and games ladies...anyone being still upset about the way an eating disordered person's brain works should leave -right now.

Anyway...I think it was Wednesday since then I am able to puke without my hand in my mouth.

This might be a bit too graphic for some of you so beware: details ahead!

 As long as I drink enough in between the binging it works pretty well. Eat,eat,eat,drink,eat,eat,drink[..] after 30minutes

-which is my personal time limit-

I start getting rid of the food because I am terrified that if it stays in longer cals get  absorbed.

I jump a bit around,pretend being Shakira and then lean over...I simply have to push with one or both of my hands as some kind of supportand weeeh-stuff comes up again.

I am honest: I am quite thrilled about my new "skill" and pretty happy that it makes purging a hell lot of easier. No watery eyes that look kinda red, my mark on my left hand has time to get HOPEFULLY a bit bit better and lighter...and I am under the impression the food come out faster...

/being gross

Wednesday my weight was 52,7 kilos,today,Friday, 52,1. I did not expect that, I had set myself the goal to be satisfied with a loss of 0.5 kilos per week, so I am quite happy about the loss :D

 I can see my collar bones again-way more prominent than a few weeks before. My thigh circumference is down to 51cm again - FINALLY! =)

Oh,and by the way: Word Champoinship of Soccer has started today,right? I will be only watching the games Germany,England and probably the Netherlands are involved in...maybe only whenGermany plays,depends on the dates.

Tomorrow is Abitur commencement...I helped  last year with all the deco and everything in order to be there without having to pay and attending the whole party. I like to help creating the whole atmosphere and look  and it is just so-very-nice.

Additionally, it is probably the last time (for a long time) until I see all of my graduating friends gathered together in one building.

...okay I confess: 

This guy I kinda used to have a crush on,who flirted with me very much on that one friend's birthday in Winter/of whom I hoped to get in touch with but who kinda stopped showing any kind of interest....basically the guy I have been whining  the past few months...will there as well of course.

I do not know what I am expecting,if I really am expecting ANYTHING referring to him...

but I just decided to simply have a great day,being glad to see all my graduating friends with their families and maybe,jsut maybe there will be a big party mood some time around 11PM-ish and after midnight they might start getting drunk,when all the parents have left and maybe I will just have a jolly good time.

Okay,sorry, I realize this post has not been the best referring to style-conent-grammar...I really should not watch Doctor House while writing posts...