Shit.
This constant b/p has to stop! It's insane! Today, after purging twice 3 hours later I started eating again. But this time only vegan stuff,because for one stupid moment I thought I would be able to stop. To eat healthy and without and insane amount of calories left in my body.
Did not work. Right now there are lingering I-dunno-how-many-calories in my stomach. Can't throw up,because I feel really guilty throwing up when I haven't eaten anything *bad*,additionally I did not drink during the eating process.
So,this day ends catastrophic....I'll probably be able to go to the loo after about 4 days but it won't be any use for me because I will have put on weight thx to today -.-*
Greeeeeeeat, I'm suhc a loser. Monday is the big party of a friend of mien and everything seemed to be fabulous:me being rather not-fat,good outfit,me being not-fat....and boys+alcohol
and now one fett away from the big finish sign I stumble and fuck everything up.
No flat stomach.No fabulousalmost thin figure.No pretty Minaralou. No 52,0kilos until 31.12.09
I really got to stop this, this is so self-destructive :C
New plan:
Do my sideline job this Sunday before my family visits my godmother(and do it on time for the future...)
Eat as few as possible until 31.12.09 = NO BINGING and ABOSLUTELY NO PURGING
NO FOOD at the party,only alcohol or calorie free liquids allowed.
If necessary,stay hungry in bed for the most time of the holidays in order to avoid food.
Not more than 1€ will be spent per 2days for healthy food as carrots
Learn to love the feeling of being empty and clearly lacking of calories
Ignore tempting thoughts like" But veggies are healthy as long as I stay under 800calories I can..." BLOODY HELL NOO!
I have been a really *nasty girl* with absolute no self control.
I need this.
Otherwise I wont be able to be less than 52,0kilos in 2weeks.
I can do it.
Btw, it is great to the that most of you survived Christmas and are doing well =)
Hope you all got awesome presents and are doing a zillion times better than greedy Minaralou monster!
This constant b/p has to stop! It's insane! Today, after purging twice 3 hours later I started eating again. But this time only vegan stuff,because for one stupid moment I thought I would be able to stop. To eat healthy and without and insane amount of calories left in my body.
Did not work. Right now there are lingering I-dunno-how-many-calories in my stomach. Can't throw up,because I feel really guilty throwing up when I haven't eaten anything *bad*,additionally I did not drink during the eating process.
So,this day ends catastrophic....I'll probably be able to go to the loo after about 4 days but it won't be any use for me because I will have put on weight thx to today -.-*
Greeeeeeeat, I'm suhc a loser. Monday is the big party of a friend of mien and everything seemed to be fabulous:me being rather not-fat,good outfit,me being not-fat....and boys+alcohol
and now one fett away from the big finish sign I stumble and fuck everything up.
No flat stomach.No fabulousalmost thin figure.No pretty Minaralou. No 52,0kilos until 31.12.09
I really got to stop this, this is so self-destructive :C
New plan:
Do my sideline job this Sunday before my family visits my godmother(and do it on time for the future...)
Eat as few as possible until 31.12.09 = NO BINGING and ABOSLUTELY NO PURGING
NO FOOD at the party,only alcohol or calorie free liquids allowed.
If necessary,stay hungry in bed for the most time of the holidays in order to avoid food.
Not more than 1€ will be spent per 2days for healthy food as carrots
Learn to love the feeling of being empty and clearly lacking of calories
Ignore tempting thoughts like" But veggies are healthy as long as I stay under 800calories I can..." BLOODY HELL NOO!
I have been a really *nasty girl* with absolute no self control.
I need this.
Otherwise I wont be able to be less than 52,0kilos in 2weeks.
I can do it.
Btw, it is great to the that most of you survived Christmas and are doing well =)
Hope you all got awesome presents and are doing a zillion times better than greedy Minaralou monster!
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