I have not been able to keep myself from b/ping the whole week apart from past Sunday and Monday. But even that is worthless because on Saturday and Sunday I got pregnant by food. I thought of having an abortion with my last 10laxies but then decided that I already abuse and harm my body enough with MIA. Plus, if I eat like a starving person and consume like 6000cals in two days (at least 90% of it was organic and vegan..) I damn well have to bear the look of a pregnant woman. I was so full, I kept on vomiting up involuntarily tiny portions of the pumpin and apple I had eaten at the end of my stay at my friend's house. Yupp, nice unecessary information eww I know... x3
Sorry I have not said anything for 5 days...it is just that I am too pissed and angry with myself and my behaviour. My total lack of determination and control. So today MIA finally kicked my ass. I b/p and everything was finde. Ate dinner.Still finde. Started to eat. Mandarines.Still finde. ....BREAD..3slices ... BAD. 2 honey waffels or whatever this shit is called... WORSE. Cycled to the next supermarket and spent almost 5€ on chocolate and biscuits and some chocolate criossant. Apart from the croissant it was exactly the same shit I had already b/p ed on before dinner. Jesus I am such a twerp.
I have grown sick and tyred of MIA. I despise so much. Listening to Jayne Austen's Sense and sensebility makes me feel even worse about the whole thing. These women in her stories are so elegant and great and *sigh* In comparison: Me. UGH
...so the thing is... I wanna give this a new start. Wanna give myself another try to quit this shit. I know will never be able to abandon MIA completely btu I have to be at least able to chain her up and lock her up in a cupboard and turn myself in a committed vegan ana..
Is there anyone out there that is interested in makign a pact with me? Becoming email buddies in order to motivate and support each other every day? Helping each other to be b/p free and (if you like) vegan?
Just a shy question whispered out into the world wide web by a shattered catterpillar that is almost dying in her attempt to turn into the mystifying and beautiful perfect butterfly -<-@
Hugs and kisses to all you girls that are,just as I am, lost in the mirror ♥
2 Kommentare:
hey you... Its been too long!
Im sorry I havnt been in touch sooner.. Sounds like you're in a mess... but hey atleast you're trying to fix it!! ....
Ahhh I love Sense and Sensibility for the same reasons as you! Pride and predjudice is my favorite though...Im sure you've read it? My Name real name is Jane Elisabeth F.... , My Mum likes to say she named me after the characters in the book haha....
If you'd like... I would love to be your email buddy.. Ive just started college and need a routine to get into, having someone to email everyday would be perfect! I dont think i could be a vegan but I can do vegetarian definitely...
If you'd prefer to do it with someone else though, Thats cool!
I reckon you're super sweet though.. Id love to be your email buddy....
But we'd have to 100% honest about everything ok?
let me know what you think.... x
hope you're doing ok.. wish I was there to give you a HUGE hug.
I would love to be your email buddy i was once a recovered mia but now have fallen into her loving grasp. and i would really like help with becoming a vegan?!? so if your up for it so am i! my email is lyndeejreese@sbcblobal.net
stAy stroNg! thiN(k) thiN!
xoxo Lyndee
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