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Samstag, 17. April 2010
The self-hatred and self-disgust is finally back.  
I stepped on the scale today and although I know I  can't trust the scale due to the fact that I am not "completely empty" the weight is still unbearbable high even if I reduce it a lil bit.
Argh. 
This feeling is so horrible. 
I have this feeling like 11 weeks will be never enough to get back to the 51's and I am gonna be fat and wibbly and wobbly and so soft and simply dis-gus-ting.

Yes I am unpatient.
Yes I am unreasonable.
But still.
The feeling of fuglyness is back.
SHould I be happy because this might support my weight loss?
meeeh
I think I'm gonna vanish into thin air 'cause anyway I am just a waste of space. 
Literally. 
Who needs fat apart from the food industry?


Once upon a time I was slim,slender,in other persons' opinion even "skinny/thin". Now it is all gone.And it is all my fault. There should be a punishment for stupidity. I feel like I don not even deserve to go to this Beauty Day this evening...
I feel like I don't deserve anything but diet coka,water and air.


Sorry for being such a whiney bitch.
=(

3 Kommentare:

zen hat gesagt…

Stupid scale. Fuck it, have fun tonight! Those pictures will make you feel inspired... and you will see how beautiful you are!

xoxo zen

Peridot (G+P) hat gesagt…

You are not a waste of space!! You will be back into the 51s, you'll see :)

Go Mina!! :D

(Soz, I'm posting drunk XD)

Peridot (G+P) hat gesagt…

Yeah, 580cals in a coffee that was like 4cups of sugary, creamy awesomeness! Starbucks is the devil, I swear!!

How have you been, hun? The cycling sounds awesome.

xoxo

Some sayings and quotes I like...


"If you're looking for me, I'm hovering around phrensis, more precisely on the thin line between phrenesis and panic, just round the corner of deadly terror and not very far away from despair and idiocy!"
♦Sooner or later everyone will cause you pain…You just have to figure out which ones are worth it.
Smile. It’s easier than explaining why you’re sad…
Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am, it isn’t me…
My knight in shinig armour turned out to be a looser in aluminium foil
What's better? A lie, that drwas a smile (and satisfies) or the truth that draws a tear?
♦(translatet) I am my own hell,my own paradise,a fallen angel, that plunged herself into ruin
Technically, one simply gets unhappy by pondering.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain!
I'm not afraid of Happy Endings.I'm just afraid my life won't work that way..

The only reason people hold on memories so tight is because memories are the only thing that won't change when everything else does.
Every time a child says"I don't believe in fairies" there's a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead"-Peter Pan

"When you lose the battle
You may as well give up the war"


.... nothing tastes as good as thin feels....sacrifice is giving up something good for something way better.....

When I hate...

When I hate
this stretch of skin
this bulge of thigh
this clinging fat
these beady eyes

When I hate
this stomach flab
this sagging chest
this chunky butt
these too small breasts

When I lose
my sense of self
my dignity
my pride in all
that makes up me

When I lose
this ugly face
this state of mind
my worst disgrace
then I'll be fine.
Then I'll be fine.
You'll see, I'm fine.
~Ant (Morgan S.)~