Preparing oneself

Sonntag, 21. März 2010
Recentl incident:
Am walking down  a hallway,on ym way to my next class.
See a girl I know,smile and say Hi .
As she walks by, her facial eypression changes from a planned smile and "Hi" in return to a mere 
" Eat something"

WTF?
Such a nice way to say hello,huh?

Am down to 52,4kilos.
Had a horrible dream about my whole family and all ym friends finding otu about my bulimia. Somehow I had puke din my bin's bag,it was really full,I was trying to transport it and spilled some of it everywhere in the house WTF
As i was frantically trying to get everything clean suddenly my whole family was there and my friends came as well, to a really heavy talk fro my father uhm..
WTF²
Additionally; ia am havving the icky feeling that the regular Doc is not only going to check my lungs,tummy heart etc on monday's appointment but also might weigh me... cause..it is just what a Doc does when checking your physics,right?
Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight panic attack.
Is a weight between 52-53 kilos considered as too low by a Doctor?
How am i supposed to know whether he he belongs to the people saying BMI range 18-25 is oka or 18-~ or 17.5 is considered as underweight?!
Is the way he might measure my BMI as special way, like takign in consideration that I am a youth?
*questions questions*

Should I....... almost do not dare to say it out loud... take today as REFEED?
meaning, absolutely no purging but eating quite a lot to uhm*coughcough* speed up my metabolism (seriously, can we really believe in this or isn't it just an excuse..?)
and maybe push a bit my weight?
Because stuff like water loading will not work i guess. might look a liiiiittle bit suspicious if I am quite slim but have a belly lika a fat beer man...plus I would have to go to the toile rather soon which will also be not good as he wants to talk with me after the checking how we shall go on  O.o
Advice really needed. =)


EDIT: Okay, decided to give myself a free day of calories restriction. Hmhm,I know deep down inside it is the greedy fattie allowing me this...sigh...but I think more than 500g will not be the damage right? Cross your fingers for me tomorrow dears!


3 Kommentare:

Peridot (G+P) hat gesagt…

What I did before my fitness test at the physio was to eat lots of salty things two days in advance, to make my body hold on to water weight. And eat heavy things the day before, when I knew they wouldn't stay in my system too long. I also 'water loaded' by drinking a litre of water right before hand to make myself gain that extra kg.

It was kinda silly, coz I think it messed up my blood pressure reading (I'm still not too sure) and made it REALLY low. (Which is BAD) They can also test for water loading if you have been diagnosed with an ED by making you piss in a cup. (Water loading dilutes your urine like nothing else)

*hugs* I shouldn't be telling you this, but I can't help myself.

HOLY SHIT can I slap that girl?! Just eating something isn't that fucking easy!!

Peridot (G+P) hat gesagt…

Oh my YES those lighter blue shades will be going darker!! I was just too much of a wimp to stand there and comb the dye through properly. The bathroom was FREEZING!!!!

Fudge Paintbox colours are awesome, but they have a bad habit of changing depending on you hair colour. So blue+yellow=Green Peri >.<

Next Instalment will be dark-blue Peri :D

Jem hat gesagt…

i agree with peri on both counts... that girl deserves to b slapped. shes just jealous. and definitely drink up the water! and bread, theyll soak into each other and weigh you down. temporarily. good luck dear!

Some sayings and quotes I like...


"If you're looking for me, I'm hovering around phrensis, more precisely on the thin line between phrenesis and panic, just round the corner of deadly terror and not very far away from despair and idiocy!"
♦Sooner or later everyone will cause you pain…You just have to figure out which ones are worth it.
Smile. It’s easier than explaining why you’re sad…
Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am, it isn’t me…
My knight in shinig armour turned out to be a looser in aluminium foil
What's better? A lie, that drwas a smile (and satisfies) or the truth that draws a tear?
♦(translatet) I am my own hell,my own paradise,a fallen angel, that plunged herself into ruin
Technically, one simply gets unhappy by pondering.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain!
I'm not afraid of Happy Endings.I'm just afraid my life won't work that way..

The only reason people hold on memories so tight is because memories are the only thing that won't change when everything else does.
Every time a child says"I don't believe in fairies" there's a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead"-Peter Pan

"When you lose the battle
You may as well give up the war"


.... nothing tastes as good as thin feels....sacrifice is giving up something good for something way better.....

When I hate...

When I hate
this stretch of skin
this bulge of thigh
this clinging fat
these beady eyes

When I hate
this stomach flab
this sagging chest
this chunky butt
these too small breasts

When I lose
my sense of self
my dignity
my pride in all
that makes up me

When I lose
this ugly face
this state of mind
my worst disgrace
then I'll be fine.
Then I'll be fine.
You'll see, I'm fine.
~Ant (Morgan S.)~