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It all started with an Ana thought: Had only 50cals had so far,3PM and I was planning to just buy a diet coke.1,5litres. Perfectly fine.

But then I bought some diet ketchup and a 1kilo pack of carrots,too. Ate them... meaning already 350cals consumed and it was not even dinner time! 

Something snapped.

Went into the kitchen and ate 1,5slices of bread with some veggie spread and marmelade.

With already like 600cals in my stomach I entered dinner table.
Tofu.veggies,potatoes.

"At least it is healthy,huh?"

What followed was a heaty discussion, which actually was not really a discussion but C. critisizing me and going on and on about how one should allow oneself certain things  like chocolate etc because
"One gets really unhappy, so it is also bad for your body if you always eat merely stuff that is healthy and never allow yourself something, because you think it is unhealthy blah yaddayada"

FUCK YOU

No I will NOT just order something that is unvegan in a restaurant , just because they have no single alternative!
YES I would only order a glass of water if it was necessary!

No, I FUCKIN DON'T eat so much veggies in order to supress my appetite for certain things like chocolate or simply because
" one does not feel full for along time eating only the stuff yopu do"
I REALLY LOVE VEGGIES AND FRUITS GODDAMMIT! (plus they are low cal..;P)

The whole thing ended with me yelling " Stop critisizing me permanently,  if I am happy the way I choose to eat just let me do it!"

"But I was not criti...we were just discussing that it is really okay to allow oneself unhealthy stuff from time t" "YES YOU WERE"

"well..then you must have misunderstood us.."

OH PLS FUCK YOURSELF,WILL YOU PLS?!

of course I only thought the last sentence...

End of today?

Went with my half-sister to the supermarket before Desperate Housewives started, bought some salsa sauce and carrots, but instead of eating them I firstly raided their fridge.

200g of tofu with soy sauce, 2toasts,2buns and 1 slice of bread with frigging cheese on it + some salsa sauce,2-4 salt sticks,2apples.A tiny hand full of almonds,

It felt almost like a WELCOME HOME party -invitations made by my friend Mia.

I tried to purge, but obviously I had not drunk enough water during the fridge raiding party.
Why?
Maybe because something deep inside me wanted to go on with the purge free week. No b/p since Friday. Granted, I was planning on having a good ol'  b/ping session with Mia the oncoming days, but six nice round days without purging would have been a nice reason to celebrate,huh?

When I realised I could not purge,what did I do? Run into the kitchen and made myself a huge portion of rice I was intending to eat with some salsa sauce. Could not finish it off of course,silly me.

Felt like I was about to explode after 3/4, but this time, wise-ana-part-of-me probably taking into action, I had taken several sips of water, while I was eating the rice.

I dragged myself to the toilet and purged.
Just like that. No problems.

My hair was open so it was even more difficult, because I had to use the hand I usually use to press on my stomach and get it all up to hold it back. So this time only with one hand down the throat. Success rate? Normaly like 20%

NOT -THIS - TIME.

WHOOOOOOOOSH

It all came up -nice,smooth, easy&fast. Despite the hot and spicy salsa sauce, of which I had thought would be a sunofabitch and hurt like hell.

Nope.

I saw tons of rice and everything I named. above

Funny how feelings and looks can change within less than 10 minutes just by embracing Mr Toilet!

My stomach went from 8th month pregnant to maybe 2nd. The feeling about-to-explode changed to " well I could certainly eat a huge bag of carrots now,there is enough room!"

Sigh.

I felt and feel so so so relieved.

Still, chances I will not gain from today are not that big thx to the bread I ate before dinner. 

Damn
Goddess Scale will tell me tomorrow

But anyway, at least the gain will not be too bad and it is only due to a little bit of bread and dinner and carrots and not because of all the crap I ate afterwards.

When I get my pay next week, I think I will try to liquify the most of my intake. Check the offerment of low cal soups in our supermakret and contemplate to just eat one portion in the mornings, one for lunch and MAYBE after dinner as a ....finish. We will see.

Maybe I will just go through the whole day with 100cals (being burnt of with my bike, riding to school)
eat dinner, have a b/p ing party with Mia, get up, eat 100cals [...]

and so on for the whole week.

Ps: Am "somehow" a little bit pissed by Special Boy. It has been ONE damn week I wrote my last message to him and he has not answered yet -.-* If he was too busy because of Abitur(graduation), he would also not be able to post on my notice board answering my short question whether he likes the poster I made for him and my other graduating friends... WHICH HE DID

I think I gonna post a lightly sour note on his notice board tomorrow, asking whether there has been a secret convention I was not invited to, agreeing about "replying to a message within less than a week is from now on soooo old-fashioned".