Weekend

Am soo glad it is finally weeked. Time to start recollecting some of the pics, firstly of course the thinspos.

Then I have to do the ABITUR poster I want to make for all of my friends who will graduate this June...

Tonight I definitely overate. I do not want to call it a binge because... hmm..it was healthy I think. I mean, tons of carrots dipped in calreduced ketchup/ salsa sauce, 4slices of bread,2 appless and maybe 400g of potatoes is kind of healthy isn't it? At least i comparison to he shity food I have been bingeing(+prging)on in the past.

And I did not throw up. 

a) It would have been extremely stupid trying to throw up food you ate with hot and spicy sauce

b) Since this morning I ave been feeling a kinda sore spot o my gums which worries me. Don't want it to get septic or something... or course this happened thx to my constant b/p ing - what else?!

Today in school suddenly a mate of mine took my aside saying in a pressed voice 

"Gotta talk to you.Now.Seriously."

"Uhm...what??"

"You know, do not get ngry with e or something but it is jus that I have come to the conlusion that every time I see you you are thinner. This really worries me. I have known a girl who starved herself to death,ya know."

WTF... ok uhm...what know??

"No it is ok. I am not mad aat you or somethig I understand that you are just wanting the best for me and worry cause we are friends but really, it is nothing. Everything is fine. I do not want to like like an escapee from Auschwitz, do not worry. I might have gotten a bit thinner but probabl only because I move more adn eat healthy and like everyone  bu mehas gained a bit in winter thx to Christmas and stuf... din't eat all that Christmas time food you know-vegan ;)"

 Something along these lines I said.  

But really, need to get better in stuff like that. Just to be prepared for future confrontations. Like a few days ago at dinner table somehow my father dropped the line "C ( my father's partner) is gonna die first in winter because she is so slim" *sweet smile to C.*

C. immediately turning to me"No way,Mina is the skinniest I think it is rather her who would be the first one"

GRMPF

*sour smile* " Nope, definitely A.(my little sister,10yrs old) she is the thinnest of our family "

-topic dropped-

Man, I really like this woman VERY MUCH but she is driving me insane with this behaviour.Stop being so bothred because of my shape ok???? Your behaviour does not really ehlp to keep me from thinking you are only this way because you are JEALOUS and SCARED because YES you are at the end of your 40's.... -.-

Still, looks like I am the only one whothinks of me  as a whale, yoyoing constantly from 53,5kilos to 52,5kg and up again ... rather up after tonight's calorie feast....

What else might be interesting for you to read? hm... got in touch again with that special boy I already mentioned sometimeago and posted a picture....Peri, I hope at least you know of whom I am talkin of -the guy with glasses^.^ SOmehowwe have started sending each other messages in facebook again. Mine are definitely way longer than his' but at least there is CONTACT. 

We h ave been talking abou what hasbeen going on in our lives(he was in hospital for surger  because of..actually he did not tell me..guess it is private or something O.O)... he asked me why my relatioshipstatus is "complicated" on facebook. Told him lots of stuff like no hot guys in my 11th grade and if I spot someone  who is actually interesting he is either not intersted because of [...], engaged or whatever... and that Iam really annoed of my ead not wantin to shut up. thoughts overload. Scks tobe thinki all the time xD

" So what are you thinking about all the time?"

"Eerything.Life,Past,future,present....."

So basically just chitchatting right? Then I asked about his life, ad tht accoring t hi acbok site  he is "just single"

Response: "What makes you think tht?I did not put my status on there"

Whoops. Was really late when I wrote this and just thought I had seen it... so...

DOES THAT MEAN HE HAS GOT A GIRLFRIEND?!?!  hm. somewhere between New Year and now he must have met her then. Why? Cause on fuckin 26th Dec he flirted like hell with me,almost hold  my bloody hand...

Am still waiting for his answer, and does not he dare to not respone to the single question!! -.-*

So..WHAT IF? Would I be really depressed and shattered? Or just disappointed because I enjoy my (day)dreams of him snuggling/kissing/flirting with me and love to make up situations full of romance,tesions,love and all that hollywood crap?

Who knows. I guess I am just gonna wait and see what the future brings.

Oh yeah, most importantly I also need to try to not get fat while waiting for something interestnig to happen and the summer to come to be able to wear lovey dresses I bougt in the past. Would be such a shame to be all wibbly wobbly on ABItur prom, in general in summer and of course the 2 weeks Spain youth journey I will do in summer holidays. My goal was to get down do 50kilos until my 18th birthday. But with C. watching me so intensely and the bad greedy never full side of me it will be anything but easy. I can do it if I really want. At least I need to be at my thinnest for my Spain vacation

xxx