I am really sorry for my long absence. It is just that I needed to sort some things out,get a clear mind..blah.
In fact the whole too-fat-for-school thing turned on me. My father *caught* me. We had a long talk featured by an emotional breakdown... after our long talk my father said that he thinks I might have a depression. That is why I was at some doctor's today. Sorry that this sounds really short und undetailed,it is jsut that it already troubles me so much, my head and emotions are like so confusing and complicated....
So just a few keywords/sentences.
Doctor took blood.
I am really worried what the test will say on Monday.
Will he kow about my ED?
Does the result say somethig about me being severely malnourished or something like that?
I told him about my vegan diet,hopefully he does not think it is just a phase or "to stick slender"-thing.
IT IS NOT
On the one hand I really want to handle my depression problem and if some special supplements or medcine might help to soften my problems until I have a therapist I can talk to about my fucked up psyche thx to many factors in my life.
But on the other hand I am terrified they might discover my eating disorder.
I don't want them to. Never ever.
So I have been taking some vitamine supplements the past few days and I hope they will not screw up the blood test completely, but on the other hand if they soften any possible malnourishment which might let the doctor suspect an ed I am more than glad.
Gosh, I wanted to be way more precise and detailed, blog about more but now...all the words are gone
Dammit, I am really sorry but at least you got SOME news of me
2 Kommentare:
What kind of doctor (if you don't mind me asking)? If it is a general/family doctor, then he is checking for basic health issues, like iron levels, anemia, etc that could cause fatigue leading to depression.
If it is a psychiatrist or psychologist, he may be checking for illicit drugs, which would also explain depression ;)
Either way, HUGS!
xoxo,
zen
Oh god, Mina! *hugs*
One of the side effects of starvation IS depression. It's really hard to work out if the depression causes he ED or the other way around.
That's why in IP treatment they feed you up first, coz you brain just does not work at very low weights. (It actually starts to shrink. Scary, no?)
Hmm, he hopefully won't find and illicit drugs in your blood XD I'm not as much help in that department as Zen >.<
Have a good day, honey. I hope you can work things out with your Dad. You need parents, no matter how hard things get, they will always have your back.
<3
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