I feel thin lately. This drilling feeling of being a fat wibbly wobbly formless and anything btu attractive object has vanished. I actually THINk and KNOW I am slender and that apart from some nasty spots(like the parts on my pelvic or rather hipbones wghere fat is simply refusing to vanish -.-) I have thx to my sideline job and getting everywhere by bike etc managed to get rid of a quite good amount of fat. But this feeling of being rather satisfied with my body is so tricky andtreacherous. I feel and know that this only happens because C. came up with the whole too thin,eat properly &stuff thing. The moment people start to acutally notice and *politely inform* me about my weightloss I start to get this I dunno...foolhardy? feeling. And it makes me so rash! I fear that I might end up gaining weight,getting back tu fugly Mina because of this feeling.
I am so paranoid I do not even trust myself anymore... every day I wait for the button in my head to do this big CLICK and suddenly there is now control and I turn into a fat pig within a second.
I don't really know how to express my feelings,fears and thoughts properly :(
Best I quit and show u some nice pics instead! Oh wait....the optin to put in pictures has vanished since a few days...I almost forgot... crap...
Argh :(
Love,
Mina
EDIT: whoop whoop,managed to find the right button to click on so that everything is back to normal referring to the post options :D:D
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Some sayings and quotes I like...
♦Sooner or later everyone will cause you pain…You just have to figure out which ones are worth it.
♦Smile. It’s easier than explaining why you’re sad…
♦Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am, it isn’t me…
♦My knight in shinig armour turned out to be a looser in aluminium foil
♦What's better? A lie, that drwas a smile (and satisfies) or the truth that draws a tear?
♦(translatet) I am my own hell,my own paradise,a fallen angel, that plunged herself into ruin
♦Technically, one simply gets unhappy by pondering.
♦Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain!
♦I'm not afraid of Happy Endings.I'm just afraid my life won't work that way..
♦The only reason people hold on memories so tight is because memories are the only thing that won't change when everything else does.
♦Every time a child says"I don't believe in fairies" there's a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead"-Peter Pan
♦"When you lose the battle
You may as well give up the war"
.... nothing tastes as good as thin feels....sacrifice is giving up something good for something way better.....
♦Smile. It’s easier than explaining why you’re sad…
♦Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am, it isn’t me…
♦My knight in shinig armour turned out to be a looser in aluminium foil
♦What's better? A lie, that drwas a smile (and satisfies) or the truth that draws a tear?
♦(translatet) I am my own hell,my own paradise,a fallen angel, that plunged herself into ruin
♦Technically, one simply gets unhappy by pondering.
♦Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain!
♦I'm not afraid of Happy Endings.I'm just afraid my life won't work that way..
♦The only reason people hold on memories so tight is because memories are the only thing that won't change when everything else does.
♦Every time a child says"I don't believe in fairies" there's a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead"-Peter Pan
♦"When you lose the battle
You may as well give up the war"
.... nothing tastes as good as thin feels....sacrifice is giving up something good for something way better.....
When I hate...
When I hate
this stretch of skin
this bulge of thigh
this clinging fat
these beady eyes
When I hate
this stomach flab
this sagging chest
this chunky butt
these too small breasts
When I lose
my sense of self
my dignity
my pride in all
that makes up me
When I lose
this ugly face
this state of mind
my worst disgrace
then I'll be fine.
Then I'll be fine.
You'll see, I'm fine.
~Ant (Morgan S.)~
this stretch of skin
this bulge of thigh
this clinging fat
these beady eyes
When I hate
this stomach flab
this sagging chest
this chunky butt
these too small breasts
When I lose
my sense of self
my dignity
my pride in all
that makes up me
When I lose
this ugly face
this state of mind
my worst disgrace
then I'll be fine.
Then I'll be fine.
You'll see, I'm fine.
~Ant (Morgan S.)~
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